Yearning

Have you ever wanted something so much it hurt when you didn't get it?  Have you ever realized that you did not even want that thing until you had been passed over on it?  That is where I am at right now.  I have worked very hard to try and make something happen, to learn a new skill, and to be the best that I can be to others that I am able to.  If you do not know what I am talking about, I am in the passed over for belt promotion blues in my Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class.  I have been a white belt for about a year and a half and even though I know that I am not quite good enough to be a blue belt, I am sad that I did not get the nod for promotions this Saturday.  I do not know how to get better and I know that we all earn our ranks at different speeds and I should be happy that I just turned 34 the other day and have been blessed with a body that is able to learn a martial art, but I'm not.  I feel that I have let myself down.  I have pushed myself to be better but I am unable to get better.  I for whatever reason have spiraled down a rabbit hole of self doubt as I think of all the things that I could do better.

The funny thing is I know that this belt is just a stepping stone on the path to knowledge.  I know that it should not define me as a human being, or give me a sense of self worth.  I had started to believe that maybe I had something, that maybe I had grown a little more as a martial artist and was ready to show that I could step up my game and be the best that I can be.  Oh well I need to take this pain and self doubt and tell it to shove it.  I have worked extremely hard to get where I am, and maybe it is time for me to work that much harder.  I will have to learn how to push myself to be better every day.  I think in order to do that I have to do a couple of things, which will be difficult but not impossible.

First, I need to stop eating and drinking stuff that is not good for me.  My diet has left me lethargic and unable to perform anything to the best of my ability.  I have faith that if I get my eating habits under control the good will come.  I will be pushing myself to substitute all added sugar out of my diet and get into better shape through the diet that I have.

Second, I need to hit the gym.  It is not enough to just go to jiujitsu and think that I am getting fit.  No, I need to work my hardest to make myself a better person.  That means that I need to start putting on some strength that will help me to compete with those around me and help me get better at what I do.

Third, I need to start asking God for some help.  I have been trying to balance so much in my life and have been failing miserably.  I will be asking and thanking God for all that I do in my life at all times.  I was raised in a very spiritual church and I know the power that is God, and I will be trying to live better through that so that I can come closer to Him.  

Sorry for taking so much time on a rant, but I have been told that the best writing comes from emotion.

Tired of the Rhetoric: 30 Days of Positivity

There are times in our life where it seems that the world is spiraling out of control and we don't know where to grab ahold and wait it out.  I have recently entered one of those stages where things just don't quite seem to make sense.  My normal comforts seem to have been pushed to the side, and my go to places have lost their draw to pull me out of the strange feelings.

I started a series of Facebook posts the other day where I choose a good news story or quote to flood my feed with uplifting and happy thoughts.  I did this mostly because I have a hard time seeing the hate that has been permeating our society as of late.  I wake up every day and pull up my news app on my iPhone which is good because it helps me stay informed, but then as I search for a news story that has the pull of being uplifting I get sucked into a downward spiral of biased journalism.  I am not super conservative and I am not super liberal either and all I see is both sides of the spectrum berating and hating on each other.  I am forced to see the people that want all members of a cabinet to be routed from the country that they love enough to be in office, I see people spewing verbal slurs at those without a voice because they look different from themselves.  All I see is a world that is slowly starting to unwind at the seems and all the people in it are blaming others without taking blame themselves.

I was always taught to lead by example.  If you want the world to be a better place it has got to start with you.  My wife she put up a quote in our house that read "Be the change you want to see in the world."  I want to live that way.  I want to be the change that I want to see.  The first thing I want to see is that all people no matter who they are receive equal treatment.  I used to laugh and joke and say I was the most unbiased person in the world because I dislike everyone equally, now I want to be the person that listens to everyone.  I will continue my 30 days of positivity on Facebook, I will continue to push for people to be treated as people, and I will try to be a more compassionate listener to both sides of the argument.  If people are trying so hard to be heard maybe it is time for me to hear them and try to understand both sides.

The Joys of Hard Work

It has been a long time since I have had the ambition to write anything on this site.  It is not for lack of interest but mostly, and this may come as a surprise, marriage is hard!!!!!

I have given up a lot of hobbies to try and fit into this new partnership, but I realized that giving up on your being is not the way to make sure that you are able to give everything to your wife.  I have started to get back into writing, only to find that I am so far out of practice that writers block has become a constant issue that I am trying to get over.  This is not much of a problem for a hobby blog like this one, which nobody really reads, but my wife and I have decided that we were wanting to create a travel based website.  This I will be giving myself actual deadlines and work for the express purpose of entertaining those that come across the golden pages of our endeavor.

In all seriousness I am very excited for this next chapter in our lives.  We are in the process of creating content for the site and it will be full of many fun adventures for you all to experience.  I don't want to go to deep into what the site will be, or even what the url is, but I will say that this project is one that is very exciting and through hard work we should be able to create content that everyone would be able to enjoy.

What this means is that this blog that gets very little time put into it might fall by the wayside for a bit.  I am still a part of the community and will be working diligently to make sure that the content you care about will be coming here at least once a month, but I will be taking some time off of the posting of video games and pop culture to create a blog of journaling our process of creating our new page, short stories, and still the what I've been playing.

I hope you all enjoy our short journey as we get ready to launch with us.  Subscribe to the feed here and comment with the phrase: "We go where the wind takes us" for a special treat when our website goes live.  Also comment with some of your favorite expeditions you have done, whether they are local or abroad we want to experience them all.