Day 27: Almost One Month down Eleven More To Go!

Alrighty folks, my goal of writing every day has not been going as well as possible as life has gotten in the way.  I have been pushing a lot of long hours and have been feeling the burnout that comes from doing a couple too many things at once.  That being said I have really enjoyed working towards my goals of becoming a better content creator, and that included writing on this website on a weekly basis.

So lets get caught up on the week up to this point.

I finally started training jiujitsu again.  It is really hard to go back onto the mat after being sick and after taking so much time off.  I felt like a brand new student again which made for a lot of fun, especially in the soreness I experienced after the first hard session back.  It was great to reconnect with all of my friends once more, jiujitsu really is a great community that I love being a part of.  I think my goal of getting to the next rank is a long ways off as I feel utterly useless as of right now, but I'll keep slowly increasing my time training until I feel I can make some grand strides in the sport once more.

At work we have started preseason track and field practice so my afternoons have started to fill up with coaching young men and women in the throwing disciplines.  I love coaching as it gives me an avenue to work my logic and reasoning skills to help others perform better.  Unfortunately we have had a lot of snow so we have been unable to go outside and throw, which has kept us working on technique and weight training.  I feel that we are making great progress though so I look forward to seeing how the kids do come regular season.  I do have a couple kids that are in the sport for the social atmosphere though so I will have to see how I can get them to compete to the best of their ability once the season starts.

My twitch streams are still going.  In fact the one I had yesterday might have been some of my best work yet.  I am still struggling with getting people to watch the stream but I know they will eventually come and enjoy the content that I am making.  I am really enjoying playing through vanilla Elder Scrolls Online once more.  I never actually finished the game before so this journey has been great for making me play through the story and see the entire game from start to finish.

I kind of touched on it early, but my fitness is finally starting to move forward once again.  I have been spending a little less time on my behind and a little more time walking and moving.   I feel that it is finally starting to make a difference because I feel a little more coordination in my movements and a little more energy in my day to day living.  I hope for some more growth this week as I really start to get to it and push myself to be that much healthier.

As always on these Sunday posts I like to end with my goal updates.  I have to admit that these are not moving as fast as I would like, but every day that I push myself to do this I will grow as a writer and a creator.  Thank you all again for taking the time out of your busy days to swing by and take a look, it means so much to me for the level of support I have been receiving from the community.

6/50 Twitch

250/300 Twitter  

12/20 YouTube

213.8/200  Weight  (Down 1.2 pounds this week.  Every day I'm getting closer to this goal.)

White belt/ Blue Belt  (went back to the gym this week which will help me to get where I want to be)

136/200 Instagram  (Not sure how but I have gained a couple of folks this week.  Thank you for the follows)

I don't normally do this but I do want to share my cousins blog with you all.  He is starting a new blog that chronicles his life as an urban gardener.  He is a very creative guy who has some amazing thoughts on life.  Definitely worth a quick check.

Day 20: A look ahead.

I am constantly being shown that people are decisive and unwilling to bend no matter how the facts seem to be shown to them.  I know that sounds very defeatist but it is the unfortunate reality of the life that we live in right now. I was out on a date with my wife last night when the video of the high school kids taunting an American Indian surfaced.  I know that people have released other videos trying to make the kids seem like good people but whether they were the ones that circled the others or they were being targeted I hate that we live in a society where people mock and berate others.  I don't know what that means for me or my goals, I just wanted to get off my chest the feeling that our government has created a series of monsters that seem to go wherever they can and don't listen to each other anymore.  While on this date I had the chance to look up some Fred Rogers quotes which made me remember that there was a time when people were being taught through the programming that they enjoy that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and love.

I find it very difficult to feel love all the time, especially as I am trying to up my internet presence and leaning towards some content creation.  I find myself going down these rabbit holes of hate and getting very disheartened at the aspect of keyboard warriors spouting their nonsense to all that come across it.  I know that I am in a dark place but this week has got me down.  I decided that I want to be positive in a world of negativity.  I believe that all people, all over the world, want the same thing.  They want to make themselves as happy as they can without others telling them that they are wrong for trying to be happy. I don't want to make anybody feel inferior for any reason, or make anybody feel that they are not good enough for whatever reason.

This is why I started to stream.  I decided that there are a lot of people in the streaming community that create content in a trolling way, that use their fame to put others down, and try and make others feel bad about trying to be the best that they can be.  I want to try and change that.  I believe that people are innately good and that by streaming in a positive way I will help grow a community that is also kind and genuinely wants to make a difference.  I want to challenge myself to do the same with my interactions on twitter this year and make it so people feel that they are blessed to have come across me in this life.

I know that this is a slightly different tone to most of my other posts but I do appreciate those of you that have stayed and read all the way to the end.  I look forward to bringing more content your way throughout the year and for many years to come.

6/50 Twitch

250/300 Twitter   (Lost one this week, Twitter really is a difficult medium)

12/20 YouTube

215/200  Weight  (One pound closer to my goals)

White belt/ Blue Belt

132/200 Instagram  (three less than last week, but I haven't been posting so I can understand the drop off)

Day 17: Stream VOD

I'm sorry to say but this is going to be a short post today as I have a lot of other things going on in my personal life that is keeping me from writing to the best of my ability.  I will say that this video is the first stream that I have done with a new goal in mind, and even though my casting may be a little shaky at best, I had so much fun doing this video.  I look forward to many more streams in the near future and I will definitely increase the value of my content as my abilities increase.  Until I become a pro have a look and have some fun with the first video of my 2019 series.

Day 15: On The Brink?

This is one of those strange instances where I feel like I have no idea what to write.  I feel that this project has gotten away from me and I don't know how to mold it into something that I would be proud of.  One of the things that I enjoy most about this project is that I challenged myself to write every day and that is causing some stress as my wife is pushing to try and launch her business and is leaning on me so much that I can't see straight.  Her idea of bonding right now is to tell me all that is wrong with her business which is getting into my head.  I try very hard to keep my head up, to keep working towards my goals, but I get brought down trying to problem solve her problems as well as mine.  I don't know what to do.

If anyone has any advice on how to pursue your own dreams as well as being there for others I would appreciate it.  Anyway time to talk a little more about some of the realizations that make me think that I am on the brink.

I am starting to get excited about reading the technology news.  With the exception of Blizzard Entertainment, which is one of my stock options, I look forward to seeing what is coming down the pipeline.  One such article I noticed was the announcement of a new expansion for the Elder Scrolls Online.  I am excited for dragons to make an appearance in the game as well as a playable necromancer class.  It will feel like a proper high fantasy game again and with the scenery artists I look forward to the many new locations to explore.  I wish I had the money to pre-purchase it right now, but I had to pay for my car to be drivable instead.  They announced that this new expansion will come out in June.

I am starting to notice more and more people at least reading my tweets on twitter.  I consider myself insightful, though not everyone might agree.  Regardless I have noticed that some of my tweets are getting more traction than I am used to, which is a great feeling.  I know that twitter is turning into an archaic form of social media but it is nice to see that people are at least taking notice of me.  I feel that I am starting to become a member of the overarching community which is a wonderful feeling.

My biggest fear is that I am going to let others influence my decision making and lead me down a path of self sabotage.  I would like to ask the community to help keep an eye out for these destructive behaviors and help me out as I would help any of you with the same.  I am sorry I didn't have a clear plan for this post but I do enjoy taking the time to get things off of my chest and written down somewhere.  Thank you all for reading, we will see you again tomorrow.

Day 14: I think I may be broken

There is a trope in the nerd pop culture community where the main character gets pulled into a loop that seems to break them.  This can be as complicated as Sheldon Cooper not getting his way and withdrawing from society as a whole and it taking his friends to pull him out, to as simple as the hero of a tale getting so stressed at the task at hand that they go on a journey not related to the task at hand in order to feel better about their lot in life, think Frodo.   No matter how you look at it, I think I may be there.  I woke up today and felt off all around, which is strange as I have finally kicked this flu and felt ready to go back to my daily grind, but something just felt a little off.

I made it through the day and was able to do my job to an extremely satisfactory level.  I didn't let anybody down and I also didn't go above and beyond to make anybody's life a better place.  After work I coached one of my students in weight lifting to get him ready for the track season, which is something that I enjoy doing normally, but today my mind was elsewhere for the entirety of the time.  In fact it has taken me 30 minutes to just write this much, I had to turn on some Mozart to try and calm my mind enough to make sense of my thoughts.  Anyway going back to the story at hand, I have finally gotten my appetite back from being sick and felt that I wanted some McDonalds for dinner.  I got three sandwiches because I was hungry and made the mistake of eating all three of them.  I can say now that you have never felt gastrointestinal discomfort like gouging McDonalds after three weeks of clean eating.  I feel like I am going to explode and I can't even sit and concentrate anymore.

Enough on this strange headspace of mine.  I do have some excitement that is going to be coming down the line tomorrow at 5:00 PM EST from the Elder Scrolls Online development team.  They will be sharing their roadmap for the year of 2019 and with the fact that I have decided that my Twitch stream will be heavily influenced by ESO this year I am excited to see what some of the content will be.  I have really enjoyed where the game has gone and I look forward to seeing where it will go in the future, especially with the massive let down that is World of Warcraft this cycle.  Anyway I will write a little tomorrow about what was said on the stream if I am able to watch any of it.  I need to pick up my car from the mechanic tomorrow around the same time which may impact how much I know.

Anyway I feel that this ramble of a journal post has gone on long enough, I will catch you all tomorrow and thank you for being a member of this wonderful community.  I appreciate every single one of you.

Day 13: A week of the flu kept me sidelined

I wanted to take a moment to apologize to you all for the lack of content this last week.  I got very sick with a case of the flu and had no motivation to do anything other than go to work and sleep.  I know that seems like a bad excuse but it is the truth of what I was able to accomplish this week.  Despite the odds seeming to be stacked against me I was able to get some good work done on my own gaming and reading.  I also started up my daily Japanese lessons on Duolingo once more.  I have high hopes that I will be able to gain some sort of fluency this year.  Another great thing about being sick is that I had more time to respond to others on social media, more time to read between naps, and less of an appetite.  I am down 3 lbs from last week and that makes me feel like maybe I'm getting closer to my ultimate goal.  So here are my numbers this week.

6/50 Twitch

251/300 Twitter

12/20 YouTube

216/200  Weight

White belt/ Blue Belt

135/200 Instagram

Even though I was sick this week I was able to continue to grow my twitter presence, and I have to admit that even though this seems very selfish in wanting to grow on twitter I do feel that I am growing more by interacting with the community as a whole.  It is fun to see that people are actually helping others out instead of just doing that silly follow for follow junk that many seem to be doing.  I will keep pushing myself to be the best that I can be in all that I do.  

Day 6: The first week is done

I was thinking through what to do on Sunday's and figured that I would do a weeks end overview.  I will not be going into too much detail but I will be showing some of the growth.  Before I do this I would love to do a little about what I did on my day off.

Sunday's are for not working.  Today I listened to the Friday Sermon from London, helped my mother take down holiday decorations, and played some Elder Scrolls for fun.  I had a great day of not doing much.  I also spent about an hour trying to finish editing my Elder Scrolls stream from yesterday, I am about half way through so it should be ready to be published onto YouTube by Wednesday.  When I post it there I will embed it here for you all to be able to watch it without having to leave this page.

I have really been enjoying working on this project.  I wake up every day looking for how to get better which I have not experienced in a very long time.  I hope that you all are enjoying this journey as much as I am.  I think my favorite part of this journey so far is reflecting through this blog every day.  I feel that this blog is a great way to reflect on the day, the strides that I am making to better myself, and it helps me to be more present and realistic in my goals.

Without further ado here are my updates for Week 1.

6/50 Twitch

241/300 Twitter

12/20 YouTube

219.4/200  Weight

White belt/ Blue Belt

146/200 Instagram

Day 5: Things are finally starting to look up today.

Alrighty folks after my mini melt down yesterday that I shared with you all I have to admit that I am finally starting to feel a little bit more my self today.  It is very hard to put yourself out there into the public eye for all the judgement and fear that you bring upon yourself as you work towards your goals.  I appreciate every singe one of you that take the time to come over and read my musings on a daily basis.  It is a wonderful feeling to have so many people reach out and try to build me up as I embark on this journey.

I started my day watching the final episode of Nas Daily which made me sad as his show is one of the shows that inspired me to take my leap and put myself out there in the way that I have been.  I feel that if it weren't for all of these content creators that have influenced me and helped me realize that dreams are nothing if you don't reach for them.  I am extremely grateful towards everyone that helps me chase my dreams no matter how silly they may seem to those around me.

I took today to really focus in on the things that I can do to grow.  I started my morning on the spin bikes and had a good enough time trying to get to 40 minutes of cardio.  Unfortunately my bum is not used to bicycle seats and I had to give up after 20 minutes as I couldn't sit on that seat anymore.  No matter though I was still able to go about 5 miles and get a good sweat going today.  A plus for my workout was that I got to watch Rugby on ESPN while I road which made me happy as rugby is one of my all time favorite sports.

After that I was having a hard time so I took some time to eat breakfast and brainstorm how I was going to handle the stream and realized the greatest way for me to up my streaming abilities was to take some time to get ready for the day.  I took my brainstorm into the shower where I was able to meditate through the feeling of water washing over me.  If you are not one to meditate I would recommend just turning your brain off while you shower, there is something about the feeling of water that brings the creative juices to light.  Maybe that is why so many people claim that they do their best thinking in the shower.  

I finally did my first stream of 2019 today.  Though I did not do well number wise I would admit that I really enjoyed the process of doing the stream.  I have a great friend that swings by every Saturday and takes the time to stay for a bit, chat in my chatroom, and host my channel.  I know that he does not need to do any of these things but the fact that he swings by makes me feel so good.  If you have a friend that streams know that the best way to help them out is to stop by and give them some encouragement.  That being said I did it, I streamed my first stream of 2019 and I look forward to streaming many more in the future.

The rest of my day has been spent on research and getting better at my craft.  I have spent the last hour editing todays stream and taking the time to read into every line of dialogue that I worked through and made notes on how to improve.  I look forward to the challenges that will come with this journey as well as the pains that may come to light.

Again thank you all for the support and the help in making my spirit and being grow this 2019.

Day 4: Is my creativity running out?

I have tried to keep my creative mojo flowing but for some reason I just can't do it anymore.  I know that every project has ups and downs and it may take me an entire year to reach my goals, but it is dang hard to be there doing things like putting yourself out there.  I am not going to quit after just 4 days but I will say that it is dang hard to stay motivated at times. 

The Ups:

• I jumped on the elliptical machine today and killed it.  Well I should say that I killed it for 18 minutes then gassed out, but I killed it.
• I have been reading a lot to try and get through some of my creative blocks.  I look forward to reaching new heights and I feel that I am close to a breakthrough but I know that it will take a lot of time.
• I slept a full night last night for the first time since my creativity break going into the Christmas season.  I know that this alone will help me get out of my rut.

The Downs:

• I am feeling that I am getting too caught up in my numbers and not having enough fun with the process.  
• My wife is stressing me out beyond my wits.  I have been trying to help her start a business by taking on multiple jobs, not spending money, and just overall working my butt off.  She insists on spending more than we make, buying things we agreed were not the right time, and then telling me our emergency savings isn't where it should be.  I don't know what to do, I assume it is a phase but the negativity and finger pointing are driving me insane.  I just hope that I can make it through this project without canceling it for her behalf.  I have always put others first and it has placed me in the bottom of a big hole that I cannot seem to get out of.

I plan on pushing through but could use some prayers this weekend as I just don't feel like I'm killing it as well as I should.  I'm not going to post my numbers today as I feel constantly checking is what is driving me mad this week. 

Until tomorrow that is my day on this great journey called life.

Day 3: Swallow Your Pride and Put Yourself Out There

I am heartbroken.  Not because of anything that has happened but because of the way that I have been treating myself lately.  I assumed that having set goals for 2019 would make the arbitrary changing of a new year easier, but it hasn't.  Then after traveling all day I got very sad when I took my Before pictures for this year.  I have really let myself go and I am very embarrassed by the fact that I have let myself go.  Looking at these pictures has made me very sad and feeling very self conscious of my body but the best way to move forward I feel is to put myself out there and show the entire transformation.  I guess the good news is that in three days I have lost 0.6 lbs which is a start.

So without further ado this post is gonna be super awkward for me mostly because I am putting myself out there for the world to see.  Be kind to me and know that we all start somewhere.

Okay so here are my stats for my goals this year.

• Twitter:  237/300
• Twitch:  6/50
• Weight 220.4/200

Day 2: It is hard to market yourself while traveling.

Today was one of those days where all I did was sit in a car and hope that good things happened while I was offline.  I have to admit that they have started to move along.  I have more people reading this blog every day than I imagined at the onset.  I really am having fun creating content for this blog as well as dreaming of when I can start to fully put my plan into action.  I have had so much fun during this build up interacting with the community and learning more about how to put myself out there.  

Todays Actions:

• Fitness:
• Yesterday I started tracking all of my calories using MyFitnessPal and have to admit that it is kind of scary to see how many calories you actually consume during the day.  I have also decided to do a "Dry January" to try and save some money as well as lose more weight towards my goals.  
• Today was hard as the food that was available during our trip was diner food or McDonalds.  I am at a deficit before my walk down to the restaurant tonight but I know that I will be over today so I will say that today is going to be chalked up to a failure.  Though tomorrow is a new day.
• Twitter:
• I reached out and thanked some of the folks that have really helped me want to become a content creator.  After listening to a podcast today about how to grow as an influencer I decided what was the worst that could happen and tweeted towards some of my favorite influencers.  I got many likes but no interaction.  That is okay I will continue to try and be a positive member of the community.

Goals:

• 6/50 Twitch Followers
• 237/300 Twitter Followers
• 135/200 Instagram Followers
• 221/200 or less pounds.   (I am still assuming that I am overweight as my belly has grown a lot this trip)

Side Note...…   My wife and I have decided that dry January will be starting as soon as we get home tomorrow as neither one of us wants to stay the night in Santa Fe and not try some of their delicious craft brews.

Day 1: A New Year

I didn't realize how hard this project was going to be but it is only the first day.  I did not do much today to advertise my page or do anything to grow any of my social media goals.  I did however start my fitness journey by restarting my fitness pal tracking.  It was really hard to go from eating crap food and drinking crap drinks to watching what I eat.  I am not sure if I will be joining any diet program but I will be working towards hitting that magic weight number that I outlined a couple of days ago.

So here we go I ended up with a calorie deficit of 80 and it said that in 5 weeks I could weigh as little as 211 lbs if I were to keep it up the same way that I did today.  I will be trying my hardest to bring that number down faster but hey I have officially started on one of my goals.

Sorry for the super short post today.  I have written so much this week that I hit a bit of a writers block and being away from my xbox and streaming computer complicates a lot of my goals until I get home.

225/300 twitter followers
6/50 twitch followers
221/200 lbs


Tomorrow is a traveling day so expect another short post just to check in.  I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year.