Day 32: Feelings, all we have are Feelings!!!!!

This is going to be a strange post.  I try not to do this but sometimes when you are so busy trying to put yourself out there, change your stars, or just overall work towards a better tomorrow you get caught up in all of your short comings.  I have been going down a rabbit hole of self doubt and battling the feelings of failure as they happen.  Today I was feeling that my head was above water finally when my wife hit me with the ten ton hammer of her own feelings of self doubt.  Oh boy what a crazy jerk those judgmental feelings can be, if you don't fend them off they have a way of coming in and wrecking all that is good in your life.  As we were talking I told my wife that what I do when the world is crashing down on me is mentally vomit all over a page through my writing.  I was honest in what I told her as that is what I normally do, though this last week I haven't been able to do so.  I feel that I have been too busy judging myself to put down some truth bombs on paper.  So here we go I am about to drop some truth bombs on this page.

The failures of January.

• I promised myself that I would write one post a day just to keep my head on straight, already I have failed that task.  Hopefully February is a little better.
• I promised myself that I was going to grind for 4 more followers on twitch and though I have had a lot of fun streaming I have gained a big whopping zero on the follower front.
• Twitter has told me that I am on an upward trend but every day I log on and see that more people have left my page, I'm silently judging myself on the fact that I don't have tough enough skin to just let it slide.
• social media is freaking hard.  I hate it but I love it at the same time
• I missed a week of streaming when I probably could have done it just fine.  

The successes of January.

(I like to end my mental vomit on a sweet note so that the acidity doesn't smell too bad.)

• I have stopped making excuses and have finally started to put myself out there.
• I have experienced an amazing uptick in creativity and am constantly looking for ways to improve myself
• I have met some amazing people on this journey so far and I look forward to meeting many more along the way.

Sometimes we are our own worst judges.  We take so much time telling ourselves that we are not good enough that we start to believe it.  If I had one wish it would be that everyone realizes that they are worthwhile and not a failure.  No matter the circumstances there is always something going right in our lives.