Anxiety!

 In the Full House reboot there is a character that yells "Anxiety!" whenever he feels life spinning out of control.  Today I feel that way.  I feel that the world is closing in on me and I have no way to handle the pressures.  Music is only doing so much, looking into different aspects of pop culture is not giving me the joy that it is giving me, and I feel very frustrated with society at large. 

One of the joys of having a mind riddled by anxiety right now is that I am having some amazing dreams.  Last night I had a doozy of a dream that I would like to share with you all and hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did.

The dream begins with me as a contestant in some sort of "Got Talent" type of competition.  I am not myself.  I am a young man with a disability, my subconscious mind labeled it MS but I didn't move as if I was afflicted by that disease.  For some reason I had shaved my head and drawn a face to the back of my head, put on all of my clothes backwards, and walked out to the center of the stage.  I took my position, lowered my head and waited for the music to start. A strong bass line struck followed by a fun snare program and I started to dance, the song was "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley and I danced and sang what was on my mind.  It felt liberating as I moved, my back always facing the audience but still able to see their reactions from the mirror that was in front of me.  I rocked it.  It was a great feeling.  As the last note struck I turned around to take my bow and was greeted by silence. Nobody was reacting the way that I had thought I saw them react in the mirror during my performance.  I was greeted by a single person in the middle of the crowd clapping slowly.  I was hoping it would be like the movies but nobody else joined in and I left the stage dejected and heart broken. 

The very next scene placed me as the host of the talent show.  I was dumbstruck to see nobody cheering on what was an amazing performance.  I was so mad that the audience would not give this young man with a disability any of the accolades they were giving the able bodied contestants.  I took the stage and berated them for their lack of empathy, their lack of attention, and their rudeness. I said everything that I have been feeling about society today as it surfaced at that moment.  I finished with a reprimand on how they were too busy staring at their phones to see true talent in front of them. I stormed off the stage to find the young man.

The dream then jumped to the last scene. I was myself once more getting a hot beverage in my childhood houses basement (dreams are strange) and I was talking to one of my current coworkers.  I looked her in the eye and lamented that I was done trying to share talent with a world that didn't care. I confided that we were stuck in a show that was just as divisive as any social media platform and that I was leaving the show because I couldn't be a part of it. At this point I woke up to "Crazy" playing in my mind over and over again.

I am not sure what this dream means.  I can only guess that I am feeling a burn out at work, that I feel that my creative ventures are going nowhere, but I feel that I am still making worthy content.  No matter the hidden meaning of this dream I feel that this dream spoke to me and put to images what my mind and body have been feeling for a very long time. We as a society need to be better.