Day 14: I think I may be broken

There is a trope in the nerd pop culture community where the main character gets pulled into a loop that seems to break them.  This can be as complicated as Sheldon Cooper not getting his way and withdrawing from society as a whole and it taking his friends to pull him out, to as simple as the hero of a tale getting so stressed at the task at hand that they go on a journey not related to the task at hand in order to feel better about their lot in life, think Frodo.   No matter how you look at it, I think I may be there.  I woke up today and felt off all around, which is strange as I have finally kicked this flu and felt ready to go back to my daily grind, but something just felt a little off.

I made it through the day and was able to do my job to an extremely satisfactory level.  I didn't let anybody down and I also didn't go above and beyond to make anybody's life a better place.  After work I coached one of my students in weight lifting to get him ready for the track season, which is something that I enjoy doing normally, but today my mind was elsewhere for the entirety of the time.  In fact it has taken me 30 minutes to just write this much, I had to turn on some Mozart to try and calm my mind enough to make sense of my thoughts.  Anyway going back to the story at hand, I have finally gotten my appetite back from being sick and felt that I wanted some McDonalds for dinner.  I got three sandwiches because I was hungry and made the mistake of eating all three of them.  I can say now that you have never felt gastrointestinal discomfort like gouging McDonalds after three weeks of clean eating.  I feel like I am going to explode and I can't even sit and concentrate anymore.

Enough on this strange headspace of mine.  I do have some excitement that is going to be coming down the line tomorrow at 5:00 PM EST from the Elder Scrolls Online development team.  They will be sharing their roadmap for the year of 2019 and with the fact that I have decided that my Twitch stream will be heavily influenced by ESO this year I am excited to see what some of the content will be.  I have really enjoyed where the game has gone and I look forward to seeing where it will go in the future, especially with the massive let down that is World of Warcraft this cycle.  Anyway I will write a little tomorrow about what was said on the stream if I am able to watch any of it.  I need to pick up my car from the mechanic tomorrow around the same time which may impact how much I know.

Anyway I feel that this ramble of a journal post has gone on long enough, I will catch you all tomorrow and thank you for being a member of this wonderful community.  I appreciate every single one of you.

Day 13: A week of the flu kept me sidelined

I wanted to take a moment to apologize to you all for the lack of content this last week.  I got very sick with a case of the flu and had no motivation to do anything other than go to work and sleep.  I know that seems like a bad excuse but it is the truth of what I was able to accomplish this week.  Despite the odds seeming to be stacked against me I was able to get some good work done on my own gaming and reading.  I also started up my daily Japanese lessons on Duolingo once more.  I have high hopes that I will be able to gain some sort of fluency this year.  Another great thing about being sick is that I had more time to respond to others on social media, more time to read between naps, and less of an appetite.  I am down 3 lbs from last week and that makes me feel like maybe I'm getting closer to my ultimate goal.  So here are my numbers this week.

6/50 Twitch

251/300 Twitter

12/20 YouTube

216/200  Weight

White belt/ Blue Belt

135/200 Instagram

Even though I was sick this week I was able to continue to grow my twitter presence, and I have to admit that even though this seems very selfish in wanting to grow on twitter I do feel that I am growing more by interacting with the community as a whole.  It is fun to see that people are actually helping others out instead of just doing that silly follow for follow junk that many seem to be doing.  I will keep pushing myself to be the best that I can be in all that I do.  

Day 6: The first week is done

I was thinking through what to do on Sunday's and figured that I would do a weeks end overview.  I will not be going into too much detail but I will be showing some of the growth.  Before I do this I would love to do a little about what I did on my day off.

Sunday's are for not working.  Today I listened to the Friday Sermon from London, helped my mother take down holiday decorations, and played some Elder Scrolls for fun.  I had a great day of not doing much.  I also spent about an hour trying to finish editing my Elder Scrolls stream from yesterday, I am about half way through so it should be ready to be published onto YouTube by Wednesday.  When I post it there I will embed it here for you all to be able to watch it without having to leave this page.

I have really been enjoying working on this project.  I wake up every day looking for how to get better which I have not experienced in a very long time.  I hope that you all are enjoying this journey as much as I am.  I think my favorite part of this journey so far is reflecting through this blog every day.  I feel that this blog is a great way to reflect on the day, the strides that I am making to better myself, and it helps me to be more present and realistic in my goals.

Without further ado here are my updates for Week 1.

6/50 Twitch

241/300 Twitter

12/20 YouTube

219.4/200  Weight

White belt/ Blue Belt

146/200 Instagram

Day 5: Things are finally starting to look up today.

Alrighty folks after my mini melt down yesterday that I shared with you all I have to admit that I am finally starting to feel a little bit more my self today.  It is very hard to put yourself out there into the public eye for all the judgement and fear that you bring upon yourself as you work towards your goals.  I appreciate every singe one of you that take the time to come over and read my musings on a daily basis.  It is a wonderful feeling to have so many people reach out and try to build me up as I embark on this journey.

I started my day watching the final episode of Nas Daily which made me sad as his show is one of the shows that inspired me to take my leap and put myself out there in the way that I have been.  I feel that if it weren't for all of these content creators that have influenced me and helped me realize that dreams are nothing if you don't reach for them.  I am extremely grateful towards everyone that helps me chase my dreams no matter how silly they may seem to those around me.

I took today to really focus in on the things that I can do to grow.  I started my morning on the spin bikes and had a good enough time trying to get to 40 minutes of cardio.  Unfortunately my bum is not used to bicycle seats and I had to give up after 20 minutes as I couldn't sit on that seat anymore.  No matter though I was still able to go about 5 miles and get a good sweat going today.  A plus for my workout was that I got to watch Rugby on ESPN while I road which made me happy as rugby is one of my all time favorite sports.

After that I was having a hard time so I took some time to eat breakfast and brainstorm how I was going to handle the stream and realized the greatest way for me to up my streaming abilities was to take some time to get ready for the day.  I took my brainstorm into the shower where I was able to meditate through the feeling of water washing over me.  If you are not one to meditate I would recommend just turning your brain off while you shower, there is something about the feeling of water that brings the creative juices to light.  Maybe that is why so many people claim that they do their best thinking in the shower.  

I finally did my first stream of 2019 today.  Though I did not do well number wise I would admit that I really enjoyed the process of doing the stream.  I have a great friend that swings by every Saturday and takes the time to stay for a bit, chat in my chatroom, and host my channel.  I know that he does not need to do any of these things but the fact that he swings by makes me feel so good.  If you have a friend that streams know that the best way to help them out is to stop by and give them some encouragement.  That being said I did it, I streamed my first stream of 2019 and I look forward to streaming many more in the future.

The rest of my day has been spent on research and getting better at my craft.  I have spent the last hour editing todays stream and taking the time to read into every line of dialogue that I worked through and made notes on how to improve.  I look forward to the challenges that will come with this journey as well as the pains that may come to light.

Again thank you all for the support and the help in making my spirit and being grow this 2019.

Day 4: Is my creativity running out?

I have tried to keep my creative mojo flowing but for some reason I just can't do it anymore.  I know that every project has ups and downs and it may take me an entire year to reach my goals, but it is dang hard to be there doing things like putting yourself out there.  I am not going to quit after just 4 days but I will say that it is dang hard to stay motivated at times. 

The Ups:

• I jumped on the elliptical machine today and killed it.  Well I should say that I killed it for 18 minutes then gassed out, but I killed it.
• I have been reading a lot to try and get through some of my creative blocks.  I look forward to reaching new heights and I feel that I am close to a breakthrough but I know that it will take a lot of time.
• I slept a full night last night for the first time since my creativity break going into the Christmas season.  I know that this alone will help me get out of my rut.

The Downs:

• I am feeling that I am getting too caught up in my numbers and not having enough fun with the process.  
• My wife is stressing me out beyond my wits.  I have been trying to help her start a business by taking on multiple jobs, not spending money, and just overall working my butt off.  She insists on spending more than we make, buying things we agreed were not the right time, and then telling me our emergency savings isn't where it should be.  I don't know what to do, I assume it is a phase but the negativity and finger pointing are driving me insane.  I just hope that I can make it through this project without canceling it for her behalf.  I have always put others first and it has placed me in the bottom of a big hole that I cannot seem to get out of.

I plan on pushing through but could use some prayers this weekend as I just don't feel like I'm killing it as well as I should.  I'm not going to post my numbers today as I feel constantly checking is what is driving me mad this week. 

Until tomorrow that is my day on this great journey called life.

Day 3: Swallow Your Pride and Put Yourself Out There

I am heartbroken.  Not because of anything that has happened but because of the way that I have been treating myself lately.  I assumed that having set goals for 2019 would make the arbitrary changing of a new year easier, but it hasn't.  Then after traveling all day I got very sad when I took my Before pictures for this year.  I have really let myself go and I am very embarrassed by the fact that I have let myself go.  Looking at these pictures has made me very sad and feeling very self conscious of my body but the best way to move forward I feel is to put myself out there and show the entire transformation.  I guess the good news is that in three days I have lost 0.6 lbs which is a start.

So without further ado this post is gonna be super awkward for me mostly because I am putting myself out there for the world to see.  Be kind to me and know that we all start somewhere.

Okay so here are my stats for my goals this year.

• Twitter:  237/300
• Twitch:  6/50
• Weight 220.4/200

Day 2: It is hard to market yourself while traveling.

Today was one of those days where all I did was sit in a car and hope that good things happened while I was offline.  I have to admit that they have started to move along.  I have more people reading this blog every day than I imagined at the onset.  I really am having fun creating content for this blog as well as dreaming of when I can start to fully put my plan into action.  I have had so much fun during this build up interacting with the community and learning more about how to put myself out there.  

Todays Actions:

• Fitness:
• Yesterday I started tracking all of my calories using MyFitnessPal and have to admit that it is kind of scary to see how many calories you actually consume during the day.  I have also decided to do a "Dry January" to try and save some money as well as lose more weight towards my goals.  
• Today was hard as the food that was available during our trip was diner food or McDonalds.  I am at a deficit before my walk down to the restaurant tonight but I know that I will be over today so I will say that today is going to be chalked up to a failure.  Though tomorrow is a new day.
• Twitter:
• I reached out and thanked some of the folks that have really helped me want to become a content creator.  After listening to a podcast today about how to grow as an influencer I decided what was the worst that could happen and tweeted towards some of my favorite influencers.  I got many likes but no interaction.  That is okay I will continue to try and be a positive member of the community.

Goals:

• 6/50 Twitch Followers
• 237/300 Twitter Followers
• 135/200 Instagram Followers
• 221/200 or less pounds.   (I am still assuming that I am overweight as my belly has grown a lot this trip)

Side Note...…   My wife and I have decided that dry January will be starting as soon as we get home tomorrow as neither one of us wants to stay the night in Santa Fe and not try some of their delicious craft brews.